A new YouGov survey asked Americans about people-pleasing and the behaviors associated with it. The informal label of “people-pleaser” generally refers to someone who has the strong urge to please others, even at their own expense. They might feel that their wants or needs aren’t as important as others, avoid conflict, and say “yes” even when they want to say no. The survey finds that about half of Americans describe themselves as people-pleasers — without being given a definition — and even more identify with at least one people-pleasing behavior. Additionally, the way men and women feel about being a people-pleaser differs.
Among Americans, 48% definitely or probably would describe themselves as people-pleasers and 47% would not. Women (52%) are more likely than men (44%) to say they would describe themselves as a people-pleaser.
42% of Americans think other people in their lives definitely or probably would describe them as people-pleasers; 44% think others definitely or probably would not describe them as such. Women (44%) are slightly more likely than men (39%) to say others would describe them as people-pleasers. Among people who self-identify as people-pleasers, 70% think others in their life would definitely or probably describe them as such.
While fewer than half of Americans would describe themselves as people-pleasers, many say they engage in certain people-pleasing behaviors. Overall, 93% of Americans say they do at least one of the nine people-pleasing behaviors polled about somewhat or very often, and 7% say they often do all nine.
29% of Americans say they very often go to great lengths to avoid conflict; 42% say they do this somewhat often. 24% say they very often put other people’s needs first, at the expense of their own; 45% say they somewhat often do this. Slightly fewer say they very often (17%) or somewhat often (35%) feel like they can’t say “no” when someone asks for something.
The people-pleasing trait Americans are least likely to say they exhibit often is saying they agree with others even when they don’t actually agree — 5% do this very often and 20% do it somewhat often. 38% say this isn’t something they do very often, and 32% say they do this not at all often.
Women are more likely than men to say they very often struggle to establish boundaries with others (15% vs. 9%).
Among self-identified people-pleasers, 32% believe they were socialized by others to be this way and 52% think it comes naturally to them. Women who are self-identified people-pleasers are more likely than men who identify the same way to say they were socialized to be people-pleasers (38% vs. 25%).
There has been a notable increase in the number of people-pleaser women who believe they were socialized to be so since the question was last asked in July 2022, from 23% then to 38% now.
Among Americans who think others would describe them as people-pleasers, 11% say they like being considered a people-pleaser, 55% say they don’t mind being considered one, and 25% dislike being considered one. Women are about twice as likely as men to say they dislike being considered people-pleasers (32% vs. 17%), though the largest shares of women (50%) and men (60%) say they don’t mind.
Since July 2022, the share of people-pleasers who dislike being seen as such has risen to 25% from 19%. In 2022, 25% of women and 12% of men disliked being seen as people-pleasers.
Among people who definitely or probably would not describe themselves as people-pleasers, 73% say they would not like to be a people-pleaser; women (82%) are more likely than men (66%) to say this.
Americans are more than twice as likely to say being a people-pleaser is always or usually a bad thing (36%) than to say it is always or usually a good thing (16%). 38% think it’s neither good nor bad. Women (39%) are more likely than men (32%) to say they think being a people-pleaser is always or usually a bad thing.
People who would describe themselves as people-pleasers are divided on whether it's good or bad to be that way: 27% think it’s always or usually a good thing and just as many (27%) think it’s always or usually a bad thing.
17% of self-described people-pleasers say it has made their life easier; 48% say it’s made their life harder. 22% say it has had no effect.
People-pleasing men are less likely than people-pleasing women to say being a people-pleaser has made their life harder (33% vs. 59%). People-pleasing women are now more likely than in July 2022 to say being this way has made their life harder, up from 47%.
Among people who definitely or probably would not describe themselves as people-pleasers, 57% think being a people-pleaser makes a person’s life harder while 12% think it makes a person’s life easier.
— Taylor Orth and Carl Bialik contributed to this article
Related:
- Women are more likely than men to say they’re a people-pleaser, and many dislike being seen as one
- Unpacking guest behavior: What do Americans think is acceptable at hotels?
- Did you hear? Majorities of Americans think gossiping is bad for society, harmful, and mean-spirited
See the results for this YouGov poll
Methodology: This YouGov poll was conducted online on August 26 - 30, 2024 among 1,122 U.S. adult citizens. Respondents were selected from YouGov’s opt-in panel to be representative of adult U.S. citizens. The sample was weighted according to gender, age, race, education, 2020 election turnout and presidential vote, baseline party identification, and current voter registration status. Demographic weighting targets come from the 2019 American Community Survey. Baseline party identification is the respondent’s most recent answer given prior to November 1, 2022, and is weighted to the estimated distribution at that time (33% Democratic, 31% Republican). The margin of error for the overall sample is approximately 4%.
Image: Getty
